This shouldn't come as a surprise to you, but pandas are from China. However, when I was told a few months back that I would have a conference in Prague, I decided that I should go a few days early and drive around the Czech Republic countryside to verify the absence of the indigenous Czech panda. The lengths I through go for humanity are exhausting.
I felt a bit disoriented as I exited the Prague airport. Something was amiss... but what? After a bit of thinking, I figured it out. You probably do this unintentionally, but have you ever noticed that you track the painted stripes on the highway lane as you zip by, and that you adjust your gait down stairs by automatically following steps in your peripheral vision? Well I've become so accustomed to a sea of black-mopped heads bobbing just below eye level that in a country with greater genetic variation, I felt a bit of vertigo as blonde, brown, and black heads of hair swirled around me.
My first hurdle cleared, I made my way to the car rental area. I had done a good amount of online shopping to find a good deal, which lead to a reservation of a compact economy car with some off-brand company for $35/day. Pretty good, if you ask me. Well, the guy at the counter reported that they were out of that class of car, but that they'd upgrade me for free. Ok, so I wasn't going to be crammed into a VW Golf, so when he gave me the key I thought it'd have something like "Ford Taurus" on the label. Oh how wrong I was. When I turned the corner in the garage and pressed the "unlock" button on the fob, I found a pleasant surprise.
I'm not a car nut, but I was ecstatic to see 2012 BMW convertible with leather interior. Oh, and this steed has GPS. I felt very posh as I cruised--at a totally safe and responsible speed--while blasting Czech composers Dvorak and Smetana over the speakers.
The first stop in my non-lethal panda hunt was Konopiště Castle. Originally built in the 13th century, the castle was the last residence of Archduke Franz Ferdinand (a bell from high school world history class should be going off). Our friend Franz lurved hunting; he shot up to 300,000 pieces of game in his life. The hallways were lined with mounted antlers and weapons. Travis would've really enjoyed this place. I mostly had to fight off daydreams of the ending scene in Bednobs and Broomsticks where the suits of armor come to life to save the castle (wait, did Professor McGonagall rip off Angel Landsbury in the end of HP??)
My tour of the interior complete, I checked out the grounds (for pandas, of course). I said "hey" to a few peacocks before finding an old pavilion tucked behind a lake. It was there that Austrian Franz had a lil chat with the German Kaiser Wilhelm regarding control of power in Balkan states. Franz liked shooting animals, but wanted to maintain stability and secure an allied relationship with Germany should a war break out. Unfortunately, Franz Ferdinanad and his wife Sofie were assassinated two weeks later during a visit to Serbia. In a tragic twist of irony, the man who so loved shooting suffered a fatal gunshot wound that led immediately to World War I (that's what you vaguely remember from history class).
Panda count: 0.
Pseudo-panda count: 2 (two bears live in the moat. And Franz had some Chinese pottery on exhibit from an Asian hunting tour.)
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